You hurt me, and this time no coming back !!!

Chapter 1 - Introduction to basics

After all the thesis of love we go through,experiences we are told and some we go through this is me Mariam,trying to make sense of this life given to me who everyone would crave for.

Falling in love is not really easy you know,I wanted to fall in love this one last time but with whole guarantee it would lead me to a commitment.But,its me again innocent enough to trust vultures again and again and again... Sorry wrote that too many times for special effect...Before I tell you about this new vulture let me share my decent life with you.

I am Mariam Kazi, born in an extremely warm environment,rich enough to buy any luxury demanded for,completely a celebrity life with amazing non conservative family.Like every girl I want to marry like my parents did and my grandparents and so on....  But in order to get there I needed a man who stand at least close to my expectations....

Oh my expectations are listed below

• Independent
• Educated
• Sensitive
• Caring
• Loves me and my family 
• Responsible
• Adventurous
• Humorous
• Witty
• Empathetic 
• Bollywood Person (believes in Bollywood romance basically)

Urrrghhhh !!!! Quiet a cliched description right??? But, yes this is me and my expectations,hope not too many to be real.....

To be continued.......

Chapter 2-He arrived out of Blue

It was a normal day,morning breakfast with my lovely family lots of cuddles to my turtles and fish (Imaginary ones of-course) pet person that I am.Coming back,it was a normal day went to work started lining up my meetings and there was a friend request from a guy who looked decently cute but hardly any pictures to make a judgement and know if I had to accept.

Exactly three days later he messaged me something unusual "I can barely get my eyes off you,can I please get the opportunity to meet you once".Alert !!! "This was a trap" my mind said but heart said "Go for it,he is the man".

In this whole confusion,I decided to go with my heart and replied "Hey Hi !!! " I replied.Immediately there was a reply like he was waiting for my text.The conversation was random and it went on for a long time.It sounded like this man had too many compliments to give me and I was wondering if this is the man.

He spoke to me for hours and I shared all my life in fact all my life in few conversations we had.There was an amazing chemistry we shared and so much love which was all I wanted.He made me want to love him and that is how we ended up meeting.

Now what do I wear,how to decide on a single dress when all look nice or nothing is looking great.I managed to pick one and felt I looked gorgeous enough to handle the first meet.

To be Continued.....

Chapter 3 - Bollywood Passion

What ???? Nooooo there was a man for real,he was mine and I was his love. OK,why I said Nooooooo,its too real to believe.I had to tell my parents..... Oh no not so soon....Or may be I should....

I'm a confused soul sometimes and too loyal to people I love and care for.My three best friends Sachit Gupta , Solandra Gomes , and Sumaya Gonsalves they are bonded souls and they are the ones who could go to any extent to see me happy.So I told them about Derrick,yes he was a catholic by religion and I am a Muslim.But who cares I know my family would accept it as they were liberal and he told me that he loves me and no matter what he would stand by me.They all had their own views mostly negative which I ignored because I was in love.

Im all set guys,love has taken me to a whole new level of excitement,now its just his turn to make the standard Shahrukh Khan move.

He proposed to me and I obviously said yes,Sachit warned me that this was going too fast and it should stop "I think your just jealous of because your scared of loosing me bozo" the careless mad naive lover in me said.

I made the big move,told my parents and initially they sounded reluctant but it settled a little later in sometime.

It was his time to tell home,and I was desperate,no more waiting is all I knew.This romance was getting intense and horses could not be pulled over again and again during the ascending moments.Oh this boy had charmed me way too much. 

To be continued .....

Chapter 4- Time Changing

It was a whole day passed he did not call or text me,what must have happened?My work got me so busy that looking at my phone a thousand times for his name was the only option instead of text/call from my side.

I was curious and time passing was only dropping my pressure so I called him "Hey what happened no call/text since morning is everything OK? " I asked. He behaved like nothing happened and very normally said "Yeah ! Just been busy and Oh by the way spoke to my parents about you". 

That was ringing glorious bells in my head fully energized containing myself that he behaved like nothing happened even though it was the most abnormal thing that happened between us.Anyway with excitement I asked him what did they say.

"Well my father asked me what do you do and what is your family background like? I told them that they were running transport business so immediately my father said must be underworld dealers son you better get away from them" he said.My heart sunk down to hear better get away from them I continued to be silent."Oh and he also asked me if your white skin as he wants the girl to be fairer to me" he said it with some joy."I told my dad she is not fair and that is OK she loves me crazy" he continued telling me with utmost belief that we are not going to be together as I am on darker skin tone and I belong to a rich family sorry transport business supposedly goons family.


With great conviction I asked him so what do we do? He replied "We need to just be friends may be as I cannot do without you and I love you".
Oh my where did I land myself into? Did a mistake again??? Wait he told me he would do anything for me,is it that my skin color changed everything? Or getting physically close showed him that we had bad chemistry so it was over?? I started thinking




To be continued....

Chapter 5 - Reality Always Gives Painful Blows

You and I Drowned In Paradox

Chapter 1-Boring Routine

Frustrated with work stress and constant marriage pressure this is me trying to still wash out some memories of past with the one and only who found peace in marrying some other one. Same old story is what girls at my age will relate to. I’m 29 yrs old figuring out what is life going to open up to me next while everyone around me looks to have given up on their expectations from me.

Considering that I have to settle down and finally see some men to find the potential groom I uploaded my profile on different match making websites, also not to forget I downloaded a dating application over my phone. I wasn’t really looking for men in my life I guess it was this social pressure seeing everyone marry and have babies. For Heaven sake my juniors at High school had babies. I was really depressed at one point thinking what if I die a virgin or die without any romance I always wanted to have in my fantasies, but friends around and socializing with work helped me get over. But somewhere it was sinking within, like other people I wanted to have a person who would love me more than I do, where was he? .....

On the other side a boy completely focused over his ambition of medicine, finding new ways of travel adventures was stuck up between gym and library. He decided over his vacation to download a dating application over his phone and find a potential date to get with the vacation. Young boys usually tend to date and forget, his mission was still unclear.

Considering that he has to be a responsible Neurosurgeon, he decided to get off the application as soon as vacation ends. Three days prior to the vacation end, he found me but I had not taken any interest yet.I possibly will never text back this kid I said....

To be continued...

Chapter 2- Budding Interest

The Profile picture looked of a young kid, I would definitely not look into it, and additionally I found only creeps on this app. One afternoon I got a message which said “Your smile so sweet and eyes so innocent you look like an angel and so on”. For long did I wait for this kind of compliment, I was confused as it was by him "the KID". I did not reply immediately, my grandparents were at home. I replied after hours to him but it was just to please him because he had messaged me I shouldn’t be rude right. So he replied immediately and I delayed again as I was busy and may be not interested. The messaging continued till he added me over another app and we started chatting almost every day. Now it was about making a phone call which he did and we spoke for hours, he heard me so persistently as if he it was a story. I spoke to him asked him about his age first as it was bothering me for quite a while, he kept changing the topic and said age is just a number.

Finally after long hours of conversation he said 21.5 yrs old, which was also justified by saying that if Priyanka Chopra and Nick Jonas could marry with that age difference why I could not think of it.

Not thinking much practically I don’t know why the attraction started increasing day by day and my knees started going weaker and weaker for this Man that he called himself. We established 3 rules in our friendship

No talking about age difference basically behaving like we are same age group

No hiding any secrets no matter what we share everything about each other everyday

Anytime we feel the other person has hurt you, we clearly tell instead of ignoring it

To be continued........

Chapter 3- Mad Lovers

With the above said rules we began this journey which I had no clue about, and where it was heading both of us .As days past we started growing strong liking towards each other, every day I would expect his call or message and wake-up to his timings. This man was turning into a disease with no cure, I knew for sure this was my path and I was beginning to trust him and know that my life is a journey with him and that is Prachit. He named me “Mehru” which meant a person who keeps smiling and has no flaws. How could I possibly fail this romance which happened after so many years just the way I only imagined it to be. There could only be one possibility I would reject this, the age, which was negligible in front of all that was happening between us.

He made a blockbuster move next; he came to Kerala with his shoulder bag just to meet me from Bangalore with enough money to see me for a little while at the station. This can happen only in movies right, but no this was for real. I got what I wanted and may be was waiting for this gift.After the first meet, things got more concrete for me in fact I was sure I will fight for him at home and the society and everything. I started writing poems for him, I haven’t written for 4 years, precisely after my breakup did not think I will ever write.He made me blush so much that I had to hold my cheeks which would hurt so badly.He spoke to me like an innocent child with mature authority over me which I gave him without a second thought.This man cant be real,but I was living my dream, and happiness had finally knocked my doors which I could not shut any longer.

Due to my work I had to travel to his hometown where he came to meet me again at the railway station to make sure I'm ok. Oh by the way I did not know how you travel by train till this trip.I did not feel alone at all the entire journey because he kept talking to me when range was alive.

He made me feel special in every way,we spoke dreams of having 2 daughters about having a small house.Living a complete marriage with a bond of friendship forever in it.This kept getting full of surprises everyday and meetings got more comfortable knowing that out last destination was together in this life.

To be continued...

Chapter 4- C’est la Vie

Time passed , he started saying something so cowardly.The time we used to speak decreased suddenly and felt like there is something going wrong,the messages were precise and love seemed to be fading.The man who made me fall in love had now been telling me that it is unfair to keep me waiting for that long. For who belonged to me had time to be online , but no time to ask about me.I shared my life with him,but all I knew was nothing .May be it was too immature of me,to fall for a teen who spoke so highly earlier but strangely nothing presently.

My connection with him weakened,my trust in love dropped back. I could not hold myself more so I told him its time I should start looking into the potential marriage proposals I was getting which unexpectedly he agreed.

My family began to worry,I was getting disturbed almost everyday with some haunting memories.I wanted to make so many but this was taking both of us in no harmony.

Knowing my dependency had increased over the routine he made for me,his texts,his name on my phone ringing,hours we spoke,sharing my days with him was being missed.His desparation certainly was no longer seen towards me.

I knew this was making me go back to those days,where being vulnerable is all that was seen.The love in me will last forever but I dont know if its going to be the same from him....