Promises were fake ,I was well cheated

Its been about 5 years,he looked very charming and he was my childhood crush so I did not take a minute to think and said yes to his proposal.Eventually I realized that there are many things that don't match between us but I made all the compromises because I did not want to lose him so I started molding myself according to his lifestyle.Our fights were on really silly topics but he could really snap out of it fast but I would have a hangover for long wondering what wrong did I do for him to treat me this way.I did not realize that its corroding me inside and I am turning into a different person and every thing about me is going on a different wavelength.After about 3 years I saw some pictures of a girl on his phone they were very intimate photographs when i asked him he accepted that it was his ex girlfriend he dated for a week i was in a shock that while I was 30 kms away from him he was dating someone.He apologized to me and said he would love me and cannot imagine his life without me,soft soul that I am got carried away and gave him a chance this was the biggest mistake of my life.Giving a chance and getting emotional with those talks allowed him to be a much more seasoned player and while he promised me of marriage and further plans of children her continued to have physical relationships with his past girlfriends....
Today I know about it because of my sheer luck,because of gods gift to me that's my strong sixth sense .again he did the same old drama of crying breaking his head and nose and all of that...
a great man said to forgive someone who has done the worst to you gives you relief.I did the same I have forgiven him once again for his deeds but in this life it would be impossible to forget..
Cannot imagine the person I did everything for turned out to be such a cold soul without any guilt and continued to lie looking into my eyes...
Difficulties are more for me now but I will overcome as if he is a seasoned player I am the strongest lover of my own.I will not let a loser trample my smile,my happiness my honesty.I deserve better,I deserve to smile always..

Priceless Smile On My Face Is Fake

What happened this morning,same old I wokeup went to the washroom brushed my teeth and tried to figure out what could I eat for breakfast.when I saw there was nothing I went out got some bread and put jam and ate it.Later washed my clothes put them to dry and went for work.At work the same old thing men admiring my beauty or rather my figure to be more precise I'm so used to that.Oh today is Mr.Mehra's birthday and he is throwing a b'day party at his farm house which is a dream place  for a holiday home I must say.He insisted so much that I have to be there not to forget he has a crush on me he admitted it once earlier when he was really drunk after the success party of our magazine launch.I though if I should go or not as it was a long weekend and I wanted to go somewhere with my husband.
I'm sure you were wondering that I would have been a single lady all this while with the lifestyle I mentioned above but no I'm married to Vikas which makes me Mrs.Malhotra.An important part of my life who has gone numb for a long time due to negligence and misunderstandings.He was very promising earlier now the only thing he does with absolute perfection is abuse the shit out of me and I'm adjusting to it for all the scars he has given me earlier these are now become minor.I try to get things right because finally he has been father to my aborted child.So what if my child was almost killed by him he still is the person I handed over my body with utmost trust.Even when I am an independant lady I'm and old school indian mentality.
So anyway thats my decayed matter coming to this party I was too scared to ask Vikas about it coz he hates my work people and anyone who appreciates me or likes to talk to me.I made the attempt while he was busy painting by keeping my hand on his shoulder n holding him tigh from behind "Darling Mr.Mehra is throwing his b'day party at his Versova farm house we are invited" I said.He quickly turned towards me and said "so go alone and serve him sweetheart" I could not take it and left crying.
Sometimes that point comes in your life when you feel you should have just killed yourself for getting married ,Yea the same goes with me...
He got into the bath tub with me dissolving colors of his painted garments in the water and kissed me saying "Lets go fresh to meet the b'day boy "I was surprised to see my husband get so romantic but I did not want to trust any moment.I got ready in a wine gown and he wore a black suit with neat hair do.
At the party everyone I was hoping nobody compliments me but it was just the opposite and Vikas did not show any reaction in front of people I was happy that may be things are changing now.Manya Rastogi chairman of our company was having a small chat with me on the open terrace while I was trying to listen and at the same time trying to see if Vikas was fine. suddenly he just came in between the conversation ans asked Mrs Rastogi to give us some time.He pulled me away from everyone took me by the pool side and started behaving mad again,he asked me "How many times have you slept with you boss that he knows how strong your legs are" I left with tears he pulled me towards him and pressed the cigarette bud on my arm when I
screamed he kept his hands on my mouth and said he is sorry and kissed me and said he loves me.
This is not any new situation it happens all the time to me,my hands and body have marks this way which reminds me of all the bad moments.He told me not to react and behave I quickly fixed my face and went upstairs where the party was active and begin to proceed with dismiss..
Everyone loves my smile but nobody really knows that this priceless smile on my face is fake

Impressions Of Life Quote

"Some glossy prints of happiness will stay for long and not forgotten but what about the black and white Matt finish bad memories that stained our heart and left not repaired ..."
-Sonika Lotliker

Oh no i am single ...

Early morning comes one I love you message I wake up and realize it was a dream..you know sometimes we all think and wish to have someone who loves us but once we are into this "RELATIONSHIP" we start realizing that how irritating it is to give your attendance everyday  and talk romantic and be good all the time .
Common show me one couple who is not compromising and living his or her life like the way it used to me when they were single.For us youngsters marraige is a big TABOO ...God the word is too scary to even get goose bumps...I am the same a little rebellious in nature may be thats why I am wondering for a relationship that went for so long and for all the pain that we went through to get it right how could we end it???I remember he called me names,send me messages,those sudden surprises those times he cooked for me took care on my tantrums while I had my bad days of the month...sheesh I miss all of that now..."laddo na khao toh problem ladoo khao toh problem"(in short what I  have I crib about it and what I dont have I crib about it too)I really began to think I have some mental problem I fight to win over someone and when he is head over heels for me I back out....some romantic culture I am allergic to???I dont kno..but today when I wakeup with a to-do list below

• wakeup
• meet nobody
• meet nobody 
• meet nobody
• meet nobody
• sleep

I feel like getting back to him and telling him I am nobody witout you...I AM SINGLE!!! SHIT  SHIT  SHIT....

5 Hours Of Silence..

I am studying in Pune doing masters in journalism I am 25 years old who ran a battle for all these years trying to postpone marriage as it is the least important on my charts .Today standing outside the operation theater with an expectation of successful surgery I was prepared to tell my family I am giving up on my dreams because grand-mom is going through a difficult surgery where she is fighting for life why would I want to shatter them more?All she wished for is to see my marriage. Pursuing post graduation is considered to be the biggest achievement but I realize that life is an achievement every day is counted every relation you have is a degree.
Her surgery was successful they brought her out where she was still under the chloroform effect she could barely see us but all she did was caught my hand and smiled...
I think its not because of her 5 hours of surgery its only because she cleared another exam and completed her course of life,in these hours of silence we all went through so many emotions and thoughts and the biggest lesson grand mom gave me was learn your chapters of life first then pursue other activities.