I found Happiness in her tears

She left house dressed so well like she went to walk on the ramp,I stared at her even when I knew she felt uncomfortable with my stare.I wanted her to know that she was very special to me and I would want to marry her.But she never gave any positive signs,for months I went down to her place followed her and then finally comes the day when I had to tell her how much I love her and how much I want her in my life.

I love you ,will you marry me? I asked her trembling ."Sure if you have money" she said.I wanted to just tell her how materialistic she could be.She laughed and said "I was just kidding , I have seen you stalk me all the time outside my class,house,student meetings . " "So what is your answer ?" I asked shamelessly like was wanted result and just run away from there."Tomorrow I will tel you for coffee" she smiled and left

 We spent time and hanged out and finally we were in a relationship.We got married and she loved me equally even when she could easily find anyone better I always felt insecure about it.I could never get over this fact and got scared if someone would take her away from me..

After 2 months of marriage

"Vikram ,boss is taking us out , after so many days he realized how much we work for him" she sounded all excited and happy.I just don't know why I felt unhappy thought that she will taken away from me so I thought I should include myself in her plans and self invited to the get together she was going for."What shall I wear?" I asked her she reluctantly replied "Its only for the staff".She returned home late and I was getting angry because I had weird thoughts throughout the night.

I argued with her and we stopped talking for a while infact a couple of days.

"Vikram I'll be late today I am going out with my work people " she said like she did not really care.When she was back at 3am I locked the door she kept knocking I did not open early morning just to realise that she was sitting at the door
"What is wrong with you Vikram?When I told you I'll be late why did you lock the door from inside?"she cried I ignored she pulled my hand and asked me once again I got aggressive and slapped her that was the first time I raised my hands on her.As she was crying I felt bad and tried to hold her but she raged with fire and said "How dare you touch me?I'm going away from you I dont want to stay with you Vikram" I tried to stop her but she seemed to have already decided so before she could do it I twisted her hand and told her if she left I would break her bones.She cried and asked me to leave her hand it was hurting her I was enjoying it.
"What has happened to you?Why you behaving like this?" she asked me crying and screaming all I did was continued to hurt her more."What the fuck were you doing so late with that man?Helping him serve you or were you serving his needs?" I asked.
"Did you just ask me that Vikram?Are you that same man who said you would love me till death?"
"I still love you but I cant share you with anyone love"
"I hate you"
After hearing that I was sure she had an affair with her boss and she wanted to leave me rather get rid of me but I wouldnt let that happen so I locked her up inside the room and did not open for full day.She screamt so loudly that she wanted to piss and she was hungry and thirsty I still did not open .What if she ran away?
I opened in the night got her food she was lying in her piss on the floor.I caressed her and told her that I love her she was numb on the floor with her lip torn.
I wanted to tell her that Im sorry and I love her like nobody,she was numb with no reaction.
I told her boss she quit the job and made her sit at home and now I had my wife close to me.I was happy but she was not or may be she was I just could not feel it after all she was with her husband.
I made love to her all day and night but it was not like before she did not scream the way she did out of pleasure.I was again insecure so I started beating her up for her to react in bed while making love.I enjoyed when she screamt.
One day her boss came to my door I wanted to break his face ,he wanted to see if she was fine."Darling your loving boss is here to see you"
She trembled to come out I brought her out her boss asked her how was she and she clearly lied she was fine.As I went to make tea for them and returned I saw that the boss had his hands on her shoulder I fired him to get out of the house.
For about 22 days this went on but one day her parents came home to take her back to their city which was 1 hour from where we stayed I was thinking of reasons to stop but she left.
One day I called her and her sister picked up the phone when I asked her to give the phone to my wife she said "Didi Arjun ke saath busy hain aapse baat nai karegi".I got so angry after all my wife was having fun with the so called childhood friend.
I wrapped my face with scarf wore a helmet and stalked her I had to make sure all the men around her dont get attarcted to her so I decided to do this
I through acid on her face her pretty face I scared it forever and I was very happy about it.I could not be more happy than this,it was victory for me to have this done.
Today she is half paralysed I watch her in pain sometimes tears fall but I feel so happy with this I cant let go off this feeling of happiness and may be she knows about this being done by me I dont care coz Preeti is not pretty anymore....

She broke down once again ...

It was just a few months that she was getting ready to accept new life and challenges that come along with it. She left her pain aside and now focusing on her new challenges she was facing in her day to day life. A day did not pass without thinking about him then what happened to dear God she prayed everyday for her happiness and only wish to heal her from all then pain given by him?

She went in search of every place where she could not remember him or any of his memories which would leave her in pain and tried to avoid contact with him because it only lead to temporary happiness and permanent damage.

"Please make sure if I happen to see him today you keep me strong not to fall for it again, I hope I have a great day ahead and none of his memories bring me pain. Please make me strong, please." she prayed everyday on the same lines.

After five months he decided to talk to her in an accident at the shop; he told her she looked pretty and he would never let go off her. She did not understand how to react she was lost and wanted to escape the moment,"Gosh did that just happened? If it did does that mean he realizes my worth in his life after going to someone else? Does he want me back and if he does then does he deserve that chance? What about the times he hurt me? What about the days when I was alone and nobody was there to take care of me and I did that all alone by myself? Did I do a mistake stopping by? Can I trust what just happened and his urge to meet me? So many questions troubled me after meeting him that day... Why my drive was so troubled to work that day? Once again all this was washing through my eyes and I was left speechless again...

So finally I did not meet him, I was busy and had no courage to face this again, what would I do then? Ask him those questions which left me numb for a longtime and he was on a great holiday moment while I was in pain.

I met him next day he cried he wants me back and what could I do with that? I remembered how much I begged him not to leave me, shall I do the same? But I love him my inner voice said...

I gave him a chance, I decided let this happen if he really wants me bad. Things were a little different his touch was not that magical anymore.

I began to rethink I still had time to leave, but emotions in mind were not letting me...

I said to myself it’s time to just decide to be with him again. I said yes to him let’s do it. We had a great weekend I traveled for him again like old times and spent a good holiday shopping ,eating and just being in his arms.

When I traveled back alone to hometown and 2 days past with my work schedule still intact I met a few friends who discussed how badly I was dumped over I also got added information what an asshole he could be to sleep around with every women and I had no f#$%*&g idea.

I lost my thinking capacity and left home immediately to add to it this kinky bitch he was last seeing has a conversation that she was still in contact with him. I fired him ,I fired her and left this relationship once again.

Having said that now once again I feel disturbed and I cannot concentrate on anything and I want to hold him and kiss him and have him around me but I cannot trust him and this has broken me down…

That Frozen Moment ...

That frozen moment

She felt careless about herself, she woke up late read only page3 precisely horoscope and went to sleep back with no plans for the day. So what was her background to survive in a city like Mumbai without working? Well she was the only child to member of legislative assembly of Goa.She was not a spoilt child just that she did not know what to do with her boring life. She spent hours at home watching TV or at the most be out with a few friends who did not really know her family background. She did not drive her Mercedes parked but preferred roaming in an autorickshaw.She stood in front of the mirror always sulking on how bad she looked and left the house with short pants and loose t-shirt with sneakers and a shoulder bag filled with cigarettes and bottle of rum with loads of cash.

I know this is portraying an image of a spoilt child but your still getting her wrong she did smoke and drink but also made it a point she shares it with random buzzards she met on the streets even the ladies who smoked beedi.That gave her a sense of happiness and joy .She loved her life only for one reason and that is because she had infinite money she could spent on others and not really on herself. Now that we know so much about her let us know her name.

“I don’t really hang out with people like you but u seem to be wanting to smoke” she said to a stranger well dressed in formals who had a file in his hands looked like he had just answered an interview and was out with disappointment.”Yes can I borrow a smoke” he said.”Did you have a bad day at work?” “What more can u expect from Mumbai,so many vacancies and placement for none” he said.”Yeh Mumbai hai meri jaan sapnon ki nagri”(this is Mumbai my love city of dreams) she said and he continued “Jahaan sirf sapne hai sacchai nahi”(only dreams no reality).They had a long conversation for 1 hour and laughed and exchanged views looked like they were living similar life.

Before departure he asked her name “You tell me yours first” she said “Vinod D’silva” she laughed “Your name is a Hindu name and surname is Catholic?””I know I am not going to meet you again that is why I would tell you my mother is a Hindu who works as a maid and I am her unwanted child to a very big man in Goa” he said. “You’re from Goa?” she asked surprisingly adding to that she became more curious to know what position his father had in Goa.”How does that matter? He left us on our own and I don’t like to add his name to mine but because of mother I do “he said “Not that it will make any difference to me but my horoscope said today that there would be some breathtaking episode and I would be speechless, it’s ok if you don’t want to tell I don’t want to hurt you” she empathized.”Forget about me tell me your story you look like a rich girl who wants to talk a lot but does not really know how” he said

Hahahhahaha she laughed “You’re the first one who gave correct conclusion about me ,yes my name is Sara with the same surname like yours and I’m from Goa who does not really care for anyone just trying to spend all my dad’s black money” she continued to laugh.”Wow we share something common, what your dad does? Contract killer by any chance?” he added humor.”Well he is a member of legislative assembly his name is Francis D’Silva” she said

Suddenly Vinod looked angry and wanted to leave, he gave Sara bad stares and told her to back off while she went to stop him.”Hey what is the problem Vinod why are you going is there something wrong I said?” she felt worried and asked him pulling his arms.

“Our dad is a fucking bastard Sara ” he left

She walked silently with tears rolling down her face feeling so numb and frozen. She felt restless and angry but had no reaction on face. She just walked towards an auto rickshaw and left home.

World is a small place…